Ek saal baad

I am sorry for all the peacocks and spiders that have made their respective nests and cobwebs here, and were having a great time in expanding their generations. Guys I have to clean this space a bit and hence you need to leave. I am sorry for all the trouble and pain, but isn’t it also true that pain reminds us of life.

Coming back to why I am here, It’s been exactly 14 months since people perceive the biggest turmoil of my life came. I was seen as shattered, doomed, dumped and finished. A little professional (yeah, most of events, which passes looks little, that’s the wonder of time) stumble, and everyone perceived I am done.

But as they say every coin has two faces, and so does this one.. And all which starts has to end.. and this also ended, and a new one started.

But what I keep wondering sometimes still is that if professional success is the scale of measurement for all a person have.. life? Quality of thoughts? Relationships? And all which can be seen around? Don’t we all work so we can live? If that be so, why does a person is considered finished, when he is not working – deliberately or forcefully.

Infact when I look back over these months, I feel there is lot I have gone through in last 14 months and which probably is much more hurting, both physically and emotionally than the one which happen professionally. I was for sure concerned, but never ever I felt pity on myself which I did for many other times.

And moreover these days are going really tough, I really want to spin the wheel of time back to some years. Though the pain is a reminder of life but I don’t want to feel the numbness of it. I want to just and just leave all what I have and what I don’t and want to start afresh. There are so many things which I want to sort out, starting from my shoes open laces to the mixed up emotions. I want to learn to drink water from a bottle without letting it fall on me.. I want to learn to probably let the water run out of dry eyelashes.. I want to learn to laugh.. I want to learn to say people that I care for them… the list seems endless… and for sure I want to lean to feel the pain and react to it or counter it...

And the worst is not the pain in body, which is seen by most and has some kind of cure, it is somewhere deeper, which is unseen. But no one seems to be asking or even caring that if I have it or not. For all the world, I am back on track.. a running horse.. and I can be betted again.. RAT RACE IS ON..

I just hate it and wish some kind of device could really measure the deeper pain.. and money could just be the means rather than being the meaning of life..