a stormy night

"I was successful in creating my blog, thanks for your help", chuckled "D", through sms... her happiness coming clearly from sms beep.. which somehow seemed to me like punching on my face.... i felt the same kind of pain which viewers feel while mihir dies and again comes back in "saas - bahu soap", though as of now everyone knows that he will come as soon as he dies, still when they see him back, it pintches.. though I seriously think that these serials can really help the nation get over from crime if they make it mandatory for every criminal to watch the "K-Series" for more than a minute..

anyways.. I guess this was the first of the sms which I was not wanting to see from her.. i felt a pain going down my spine.. nose started itching.. i suddenly felt that i am been ripped out nude in open public.. while people are savoring the view.. I am chocking for air... trying to hide all my vitals.. I could hear the echo of laughs around... it was like a King, who is sitting on his ceremony is been ripped off from his kingdom and being declared as just another man... it's like someone declared the truth to aaj tak which I was keeping secret to myself..

sometimes a person;s body behaves in a very abnormal way.. and most of the times that person is me.. if anything has to go wrong.. will go wrong.. murphy;s law.. was written only after he saw me.. and i feel he shold be paying royality to me for using it..

suddenly my and fingers acted.. and by the time.. I was feeling the lights getting dim in room... and I was feeling like a ape feel inside a zoo while rest of his successers laughs onto him... standing from outside and pretending to offer him... pain was builduing up very fast...

mobile buzzed again... and broke my chain of thoughts.. bringing me back to earth.. i felt like i m in zero gravity.. hands denying to open up mobile to read the sms...

"good night.. i think i deserve these tears" was written boldely on mobile screen.. with a spoof... all my "I" centered feelings went away... i suddenly realised what I did.. i broke my promise to myself.. promise to never hurt anyone.. may comes whatever.. never make anyone cry.. I here I was.. left without any choice.. ripped of it;s own created powers.. and I made someone really precious for me to cry...

someone.. who never complains about all my crap.. bears with my all kind of moods... someone who stands besides me always... someone who is always there for me.. at any hour of day.. or night... someone who make sure that I eat.. despite of all constraints someone who make sure that i m comfortable.. I gave tears to those eyes.. who blinks with the wish to make people happy.. I gave pain to a throat who suear to good wishes.... i made a heart hurt which pumps blood in a structure who works the way out to spread warmth....

what was so wrong in denying .... truth is a truth.. weather spoken or not.. and it is a truth secretly guarded by me that i m close to no one.. so what if for some seconds.. I was open for public eyes.. so what if someone wanted to keep something secret from me... do i know everything even about me??? or how many people I have who will even be truthful to say that they don;t want to share... or they can't.. atleast there is someone who walks the talk... truth is bigger than anything... and it might be hard to take manier a times.. but do I or for that matter.. anyone have a right to push down truth... how many of us do really have courage to speak truth... and here I was.. a victim who had made someone feel guilty for no reason... except that the courage was shown to speak truth..

what could i had done if a lie was given to me.. did i had any birthright even to ask.. or the right even to peep in.. so many times while so many persons came and betrayed me.. with my full knowledge that I am being cheated.. did i even had the courage to say anything.. and here when someone comes to me with a clean heart.. with truth... i take my eyes away.. such a hypocrate am I...

I feel like a guilty.. a victim of ownself.. one who hurts them who loves them the most... there was many more beeps after that.. but even today despite of changing my tone.. whenever cell phone beeps.. it feels like a reminder for me... that i m a victim.. I don;t know wether I am been forgiven or not..by "D"... but I am not sure that i can forgive myself..

and that night probably was one of the longest night of it;s time.. i kept thinking while my nose acted up to it;s peak.. no more there was a chill in environment.. it was seeming to me like a burning stove.. and I was no more feeling like a ape.. rather I was feeling like a guilty of ostarids..

"beggers are not choosers" was the line came into my focus... as I tried to read some book lying besides to burn midnight oil.. and i guess sometimes.. words written just as a flick becomes so powerful..

I just want to show all my gratitude to everyone who can raise their head with truthful nature..and suffer because of my alikes.. n i just want to say that i fully respect the truthful nature.. and turth should prevail.. leave anyone but truth...